I posted this in Things to Consider ...(http://stephenmeinerfacebook.blogspot.com/2012/01/)

A few years ago, I befriended a Christian who had left the University in Baghdad, coming to the United States. He told me a story that is a parable of sorts commonly known where he grew up in Iraq.

The story speaks of how different cultures may approach and choose to deal with what they may perceive as a problem with the elderly.

This particular people told a story of a time when ...

It was generally agreed upon that it was too burdensome to continue to attempt to care for the elderly among them. When it was deemed that one was too old, it was the responsibility of that person's oldest son to carry him on his back. In this fashion the son would carry his dad up the mountain, and throw him off the cliff.

It was not just common for this to take place, it was expected. Yet, it was also expected that during that long trip up the mountain, that neither the dad nor his son express any emotion. Neither would talk at all ...after all, what could be said?

About halfway up the mountain, the dad says, "Son, are you okay?"

The son had not expected his dad to speak, and answers with an unprepared and uncomfortable tone of surprise, "Why do you ask?"

The dad offers a bit of advice, "Perhaps you should rest a bit; you look a little tired."

"No, I'm fine!" answers the son, abruptly.

The dad persists, "No, I'm serious!"

By the tone of his voice, it's obvious that the son is frustrated, "You know that everyone says it's best not to talk. You know this must be done; you're just attempting to prolong this! What must be done, must be done."

The dad insists, "No, I'm not trying to prolong this ...seriously, you don't look well."

The son's tone reflects increased frustration, "I'm fine ...and we're not going to rest. We're going on! And I'd appreciate it if you'd not make this any more difficult than it already is. I will be very thankful if you'd not talk to me anymore!"

There is a long silence. They are three quarters of the way up the mountain, when the old man begins to laugh. He starts out in low, and his laugh builds in intensity.

The son shouts above his dad's laugh, "What is so funny! The laugh is even worse than your talking! If you must, tell me what is so blamed funny!"

The dad chuckles, "I'm sorry, but I think we should stop; I don't think you are in that good of shape. I don't think you can make it."

As nervous sweat pours off his forehead, the son screams, "I've never felt better in my life ...I'm not even sweating!"

The dad laughs, "Oh, I don't know about that ...I don't think my grandson, your son, would see it that way!"

The son, knowing how much his own son truly loves grandpa, cannot handle such a statement as this, "Dad, you know this must be done!"

The dad laughs once more, then gets serious,"I'm sorry, son, you know how much your son enjoys tracking ...how he tracked that wolf that was killing our sheep. I didn't mean to make this so difficult for you. But I honestly don't feel you are in that great of shape. I mentioned that to my grandson. Can you be sure he's not following us?  He is a good tracker."

The son looks back, "I don't see him."

The dad laughs, "Neither did the wolf.  And what did you tell your son when he asked where you were going this morning?"

The son feels it is hopeless to expect his dad to comply with not talking, "I told him I had to take care of you."

The dad takes a more serious tone, "Just yesterday I told him all about how I took care of you when you were young ...after your mom died.  You know how much your son loves his grandpa."

The son is totally exhausted as they reach the top, especially emotionally, "And I suppose you told him all about the trip we were going to take today.  Of course, you weren't supposed to, but you haven't done any of this right, have you?  And I suppose you told him that making a climb like this takes a heavy toll on a body, and by the time I reach the cliff, I'll probably be an old man myself ...and he'd might better throw me off the cliff too ...and save himself a trip later on."

The dad says, "Well, you can take your chances ...and think what I'm saying is just a bluff, but you'd be taking a big chance with a rather deadly bluff."  And the dad looks momentarily at his son, then leans forward to peer down the rocky crag.

Suddenly a young voice chimes in from around the corner, "Grandpa, that looked like fun ...dad is really strong, isn't he? But, I don't think he can carry you back down too ...he looks too tired, and I'm too small to help out. I think Grandpa can make it back down if we take it slow."

Putting his arm around his son, and his own dad ...the three of them, turn around, and start back down the mountain.

We live in an imperfect world ...and sometimes things are not so satisfying, and even can become unacceptable.

But, under regular circumstances, the way it should be, and often is ...is that a parent loves their children, not only as they are young, but also when they are older and perhaps more independent.

When the children get older, and choose to marry ...if those children lovingly discuss it with their parents, they will usually have that independent freedom to live that married life without unhealthy interference.  And it may also take a while for the parent to switch roles from being so involved ...to being less involved, but they have been through a lot of experiences in their lives too, and likely can handle it.

This is especially true if they are switching their dominant role from parent to grandparent.

Often the in-laws have a tendency to be less involved with your affairs, if they see their child is happy.  Usually if your spouse is happy, they are happy.  And they are happy to ignore you while you share your own happiness with each other ...as long as they get to once again experience the joy of their grandkids, who usually remind them of you when you were that age.

If they see their child is unhappily married, there often emerges a sort of check & balance system ...and you could call that accountability.  If you refuse to grow and be mature enough to see how easy this can be to keep everyone happy ...well, it does often not get accomplished, so that evidences the lack of success in that area.

I see a rather direct correlation between disliking the in-laws, and maintaining your marriage.  It does not at all mean that to have a successful marriage you have to dislike your in-laws. It usually means that you dislike being reminded of the accountability clearly stated in your wedding vows ...but those in-laws do exist, and perhaps they are the reason things are being dealt with.

It seems like in-laws have exerted less influence in recent years ...and the divorce rate has increased, as there is no firm stance against splitting up.

Another observation is that when in-laws seem to be disliked, your own children don't share this feeling, at least early on. Unless you have worked very hard to change the children's attitude ...they seem to really like Grandpa & Grandma.

And when you see this ...there is a strong tendency to not be so offended by the in-law's usually brief comments, and to focus on the much more abundance of love you see between your children, and you & your spouse's parents. 

Yes, this seems to be by design. And yes, we do have an omniscient God, who has so much to offer us ...if we choose to see it.